The Importance Of Putting Yourself First

The Importance Of Putting Yourself First. 

It sounds like a selfish title, doesn't it? Say the phrase out-loud "I'm putting myself before anyone else." It used to make me so uncomfortable. But as time goes on and I'm understanding more about the importance of looking after myself, the more I'm comfortable with saying: I'm going to go ahead and put myself first.

outfit details: denim jumpsuit Primark // shoes JustFab // bag Bulaggi // rings vintage & c/o Daisy Jewellery // earrings Zara // necklace Primark

This year has been all about learning for me - for years I have put others before myself, it's in my nature, and it's a good thing - I never want to lose this habit. But forgetting to look after yourself is on another level, and I know I'm not the only one who's been experiencing this. I played the martyr in my circle and enjoyed it; until I didn't. What I mean by martyr is I sacrificed my time to please others, catered for everyone's needs except my own, kept my mouth shut when I needed to speak up or ask for help, and went through 'the struggle' because the struggle was glorified. And then I dwelled in my own pity because look at how hard done by I was - never having time to myself doing what I like or what makes me happy. I didn't ask for help because I was a 'strong woman', I didn't talk about my feelings because I didn't want to upset anyone or make them worry. By the end of this spiral I was so worn out and stressed out I have lost all my self confidence, self love, and a grip on what was happening around me. And when your mindset is that low, there's no love between you and you - and if there's no love or respect for yourself from YOURSELF, there ain't gonna be no love and respect for you from anyone else. Am I right? Love needs to grow from within, and then blossom all around you.

It took me 6 months of mindset and lifestyle coaching to understand that it's not selfish to go ahead and say I'm putting myself first - and of course there will be times when I have to put others needs and wishes before mine, but this needs to be balance with me giving myself the time, energy, and love required to generate the love, energy, and creativity I give to others. You can't pour from an empty cup - no truer words have been said. I don't ever want to be so worn out and miserable I can't show up for my friends or my family; and I don't ever want to stomp out my creativity with the work I give to my clients.

I went on a mission of self-discovery and put all my focus on relighting my own fire - from my personal relationships, to my relationships with my clients and my business, I evaluated everything (and to be honest I'm still in the middle of this process, because self-discovery doesn't happen overnight). I ended relationships with brands which weren't serving me - because I believe both parties need to be happy in a professional agreement to produce beautiful work and effective results. I reevaluated the people I compared myself to and looked up to for inspiration and motivation. I actually logged off social media and Instagram for more days per week to stop playing the comparison game and focus on who I am and what I want, instead of getting confused with what I think I should be like because Instagram is telling me to. I stopped walking along the same path as the friends who weren't on the same page anymore - it doesn't mean I don't love them or don't spend time with them, it just means I'm not letting doubt or negative thoughts seep into what I'm doing because I'm happy and excited about my path.

I kitted myself out with ALL the books which inspired me, educated me, or allowed me to breathe. A great book I'm currently reading is The Universe Has Your Back by Gabrielle Bernstein. It teaches you to have faith in the universe and energies around you, and I definitely lost my faith in the universe whilst on this spiral of mine. I have always believed in the things that happen, and prayed to the universe to help me along my way. Then I stopped believing, and it made everything a lot harder because I didn't have faith that I can do it, and things will work out. I highly recommend this book to anyone who's needing to remember that the universe has your back.

Somewhere along the years you may feel like you've lost yourself. And if you do, I hope you stumble across this blog post, and it will remind you of that narrative in movies which we all know:

The protagonist has gone through their trials. They've grown in skills, in personality, they're blossoming and getting ready for that final trial/fight with the antagonist. The big trial/fight happens and the protagonist is getting beaten, and you think they're just about to give up and lose - but then there is a final surge of positive energy which helps our hero (you!) land the final blow and win. The battle is over. Life goes on and blooms, and you're a bigger, better person for it. You find yourself, and you grow - until the next adventure and battle scene, but this time you're prepared.

Here are my top tips to help you put yourself first and give your body and soul the care and attention it needs:

1. Stop believing that candle lit baths and a glass of wine will solve your problems. I used this plaster for months, but it didn't serve my purpose. Instead firstly focus on sitting down with yourself and figuring out what it is that your body and soul actually needs - be this a week of rest away in the countryside to rejuvenate; a health kick to gain back your energy; seeing your friends/family more (or less); getting out of a relationship; etc. And if you can't do this on your own then ask for help.
2. Get help from a professional coach. Like I mentioned, there's no shame in asking for help. I've never had mindset or lifestyle coaching before but after finding the right coach benefitted hugely from our sessions at a time when I really needed it. We unravelled the ball of thoughts and emotions in my mind and in my heart to be able to tackle my internal blocks. You can read more about my coaching experience in my blog post: Mindset & Lifestyle Coaching - Why Everyone Needs An Alex.
3. Think of yourself as a friend or family member. When you're putting yourself through a situation or making decisions, imagine you're doing this for your friend - would you make them work until 1am and make them feel bad if they didn't? Would you tell them they look fat because they've put on a little bit of weight? Would you hand them a cigarette and a drink if they were feeling stressed, or sit down and work out a plan of action instead? Then don't treat yourself like dirt either.
4. Remember that it's OK to put yourself first. The world around you won't stop - I promise. And it will help others see that you need time to yourself as well. If you give yourself the respect you deserve, others will too. If you love yourself, others will love you too. And if they don't, it won't matter because everything internally within you is good without outside approval.

*This post includes gifted items in partnership with Daisy Jewellery. All views are my own. I have to also disclose that unfortunately two of the beautiful stones from the Daisy Jewellery ring have dislodged after 2 week of wear - however the Daisy Jewellery team were very quick to investigate what happened at quality control as they pride their pieces on quality, and have sent a replacement ring.